Have you ever spent a night on Netflix, vino in one hand, remote control pause button in the other, zooming in on a Bambi eyed actor wishing you were his leading lusty lady? Have you ever watched old Disney movies and found yourself in a puddle of drooling saliva watching Snow White and Cinderella get their man while you exhaust a year’s supply of Kleenex you bought on ‘Buy One, Get One Free’, (Kleenex No 2, Valentine’s Day, postman a ‘no show’)? Have you ever been in a bar so overdosed on ‘couples’ that females were gazing at you in disbelief as you dared to come in by yourself, and you, couldn’t help but think ‘what are they staring at, have I been too generous with my mascara in the back of the taxi and have unwittingly given myself panda eyes and brows like windscreen wipers? Damn this single life nonsense, damn Mr Right, why isn’t he here, he could be smudging my Chanel lip gloss, Coco would approve‘! Love, a tres serieuse business n’est ce pas!

Permit me to pre-empt any mutiny my little toasted bagel, I’ve nothing against Mr Righters, or a random soggy Kleenex in front of Disney. To be honest, I’m an old-fashioned romantic myself. Is Mr Right so Mr Wrong? No fairy tales and forevermore? No late nights and lipstick? No 50 Shades and shenanigans? Well never fret, a slight exaggeration in the narrative but never give up, you’re leading edge in this love lark even if you don’t know it yet.

Let’s peel back the layers of this very pickled onion and see what lies beneath. Fasten your seat belt my little tarte au citron, Snow White has nothing on you. Crack open the red stuff, fill up your glass, and pop on those fluffy slippers you won in last year’s Secret Santa. PS me thinks you’re still in the PJ’s with all this home Zoom call buffoonery. Good for you! Let’s dive in…

The elusive Mr Right, a Prince Charming who reaches in and touches your soul, the one who has you bouncing off the walls and counting sheep late into the night wondering if he will ever damn well show up. Who is this mind duck who takes up more space in your head than a Gucci 70 percent off sale, your next chocolate brownie fix and an evening in with Sex and The City repeats?

Well, he’s the one who pops into your head unexpectedly on a Monday morning Zoom call and has you so distracted, you get up to answer the door to an Amazon delivery forgetting you’re still on webcam and you can’t help but cringe knowing the whole team has just seen your half-dressed derriere, your Justin Bieber mug, and last night’s pizza staring back at you from the sofa in need of resuscitation. And just when you think you couldn’t be more red faced, you sit back down to resume said Zoom, and realize your boss can see your bikini wax appointment card in big bold letters pinned to the fridge magnet. ‘Why can’t I just be normal’ you mumble as 50 shades of pink glow across your cheeks. But wouldn’t life be boring if you were!

You’ve got to admit my little fondant au chocolat, we are all bonkers. And I mean with a capital B. WTF invented this stuff? Was it a Love God? Lucky he ain’t here or I’d kick his ass into the next century. You see, Love Gods, ‘Mr Right has spent way too many years in my head, been a constant distraction, and has me up all night reciting Mary Had A Little Lamb…I want to rewrite the rule book please. Imagine the most incredible life I could have lived if I had just ME in my head…just saying…

For one…

I would have saved months not staring into whatsapp going box-eyed waiting for this mother ducker to turn up and message me cutie love notes…

I could have squashed in classes with a hot instructor getting the best body of my life not to mention the fun planking him…

I could have slept commando style across my cozy bed cocooned in my duvet not wondering what he may think about my impending cellulite advancing…

I could have saved a fortune on lingerie and bought myself gardening gloves, grown my own spinach and avocado, and made me some face masks…

I could have been flirting with Mr Rights all over the world and had banter and butterflies instead of boredom and bad moods…

And most irritatingly, I could have saved a small fortune on diet pills, skinny lattes and avocado toast, doing what I damn well wanted and not been wasting time preparing this body for the small possibility he may even see it…

What a dream world Love Gods, can I have a refund please’? 

Well, my little caramel cupcake, there’s no refund. No rewind and play it again Sam, no CTRL ALT DELETE. But before you dive in to resuscitate last night’s pizza and do dunky dunky with Justin and the cookie jar, I’ve fabulous news, there’s a new kid in town…hot off the shelf…the deliciously charming Mr Now…

Before diving into ‘Mr Now’ my little strawberry shortcake, ask yourself this very revealing and necessary question… would you date you?

You see like attracts like! If you met Mr Right today, he would be Mr Out Of Date in a week, like an old pastrami sandwich divorcing it’s soggy pickle. If you went out tonight all sad and sulky, you would equally (perish the thought) find a sad and sulky ‘Mr Right So Mr Wrong’ looking for his ‘Mrs Right So Mrs Wrong’. And that is SO WRONG. Are you keeping up with me here? Or have you dashed to the neighbors for her sheep counting app knowing tonight is going to be a long one?

The ‘why do you want him’ question is also worth thinking about. Is it love, excitement, passion, that honeymoon feeling, floating high and not coming down??? Well my toasted crumpet, tighten the seat belt, because what goes up must come down. Gravity isn’t about to make you the exception but you can do a damn good job delaying the inevitable…

Yes this love lark, it’s tough but time to top up the wine glass, straighten that tiara and listen up…nobody else can make you happy, let alone be responsible for it. When you get yourself to a First Class you, (the kind you would actually date), then Mr First Class will show his sexy face and you will absolutely thank yourself you freed him and yourself of such a heavy responsibility.

So my little toasted brioche, time to repeat after me:

‘I’m going to hook that big fish when I don’t even expect it! But first, I’m going to upgrade my mood, work on my smile, and tell myself I’m catch of the century. Be back in a jiffy…’

(I highly recommend solo travel to find that 1st class smile lol)…

Mr Now is way more than just ‘Mr Wine on Wednesdays’ not that I’m knocking the red stuff on a mid-week distraction. Mr Now is a feeling which happens to be the same as you. He’s the perfect gentleman, a Mr New, Mr Natural and Mr Naughty blended into a smoothie. Think Clooney met Gatsby and had a baby.

Plus note to self: isn’t it the anticipation of a kiss rather than the kiss itself? You see there’s a whole lot of fun out there to be had savoring Mr Nows anytime. He is the ‘as and when you want’ No pressure, just a sexy friend, just intellect chit chat, just a stepping stone and who also be ‘Mr Right So Right’ all long?’. Just point the ship towards what you want. Captain Destiny will lead you on a stone stepping extravaganza if you let it. Mr Now + Mr Now Next Week + Mr Now Next Month = Mr Right Eventually…

How can it get any better than that?

Until next time my little caramel cupcake, as I leave you with this poem…

‘Mr Right’…

I want cloud nine, my time to shine, living life on high,

I want to dare, without a care, decisions my oh my,

I set my sail, I will not fail, is Mr Right for me?

Not yet I bet, how good I get, as happy as can be…

When all is done, I’ll take the sun, I’ll just let it be,

Whoever you are, near or far, one day you’ll come to me,

Your eyes they please, like honey bees, I melt in their honey,

You’re Mr Now, you’re Mr Wow, this man right on the money…

Mr Now oh how, Mr Be why me, my heart is in a flurry,

For now it’s ciao, we meet but how, I’m never in a hurry…

That love oh fool, that love may pull, a destiny I can’t buy,

So Mr Right, I cannot fight, just let those free birds fly…

If you want to take time out on love lol and upgrade yourself, there is nothing better than solo travel. To learn how to plan your very first solo travel adventure, please click here on my new solo travel course to find out more. This is one-of-a-kind and a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom in one easy-to-follow course.

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